This BLOG will primarily be directed toward those men who are contemplating entering into what is still a somewhat unconventional marriage, that of being a "Mr. Mom" otherwise known as a stay at home father where I will use myself and my experiences as an example (and warning) of what could happen to you if you don't take precautions.
AS THE NATION MATURES I believe more and more women will at least reach parity with men in their earning power and more & more men will be faced with the decision I faced over 20 years ago; this was before they made the movie "Mr. Mom"' and before the term or the lifestyle became prevalent. I think this can be a good thing IF all people are treated equally. Well, if you live in the real world I do, you'll know this last part just isn't so.
If you're a man who is considering staying home to care for your children you NEED to be aware of the things that will put you at a disadvantage in society. Some of it may be obvious like people not respecting your choice or being suspect of your motives. But what I want to do here more than anything is go through my 20 year marriage where I raised four children (2 & 2) from birth to fledgling and clue you into the difficulties I faced that eventually ended my marriage.
I do this in the hope that you'll be able to avoid the mistakes I made and hopefully one day the courts will recognize that Men can be abused too.
First, it's a hard choice because like I said you won't be respected for the decision you've made.
For myself I saw this as a sacrifice I was making "for my family". Where only I (and sometimes my wife) felt that way. You have to remember, as a man in society you're still expected to be the bread winner.
In my case I married into the most liberal sort of family possible (that's not to say I am) but even with their progressive sensitivities, my staying home to care for our children was always seen by them as suspect. I guess we all have our hypocrisy's but it's something you need to know, prepare for and guard against.
Second, you need to know that the states have been given billions of dollars by way of the Violence Against Women Act that looks upon you as a brute who is more likely than not to abuse your wife.
As a result you'll have no civil rights because of the "special nature" of our family courts.
In itself I personally think protecting women from abuse is a very good thing. Unfortunately however, as a result of this law a well funded industry has grown up to protect your wife from you, NOT the other way around. Therefore you will be at a terrible disadvantage and you must NEVER forget that.
You also need to understand that you're on your own in doing this and no one, not the state, not the Feds, not CPS and most especially not the courts will do anything to protect your rights as a father or protect you from abuse.
It's a hard thing to face, but you have to know that you're the one who will be assumed to be the abuser, not your wife if you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship.
What I just said may seem incredibly cynical especially if you're just starting out but every word is absolutely true and there are thousands and thousands of Fathers today who will attest to it because they lost everything, including their children when their marriage ended.
A divorce attorney once told me it's just easier (and more importantly faster) to win a case by alleging abuse against men. They know that saving time is what courts value most in our overburdened family court system.... Not justice.
He finally added "it's nothing personal, it's just business" ..... as if that made it OK.
THE GOOD NEWS:
I think there's a way to protect yourself, not necessarily from the abuse industry, but I think you can protect yourself in other ways by taking some precautions and taking care of yourself first during your marriage.
That may seem selfish, especially if you consider the life you've entered into, but what women have come to realize is that by doing this it can protect them and even make them better mothers... by INSISTING on taking care of themselves first. You my friend need to do the same.
Yes, I'm a man, I'm a father of four, I'm a professional who was disabled and I'm the one who was abused in our marriage. That's not to say I got physically beat up, though she did occasionally hit me, it was the other things that hurt far far more.
Lose your children through the courts so you will be denied contact and it could very well end your life.... Literally.
