FOR MYSELF, I was a Stanford trained Paramedic and the woman I fell in love with and subsequently married was a Vermont Farmer's Daughter who had gone to Nursing School in New Hampshire.
Now at the time as it is today, the two professions require the same degree of education and experience but it seems our society values us very differently. The reason I say this is that this was the background that came to influence our decisions when it came to our starting a family.
Simply put, Nurses make twice what Paramedics do in this country, so we needed to make a decision. Namely, were we going to live with one standard of living if I primarily supported the family, or were we going to live with another if she did.... "Strike one"
At the time the decision seemed to be a simple one, especially given that I had sustained a very serious injury a number of years before. As such I told Suzanne that I expected to be in a wheel chair sometime within the next twenty years or so.... "Strike two"
I say it seemed to be a simple decision because at the time I just didn't have any reference with regard to what life could be like twenty years on. I simply didn't know or expect the things that would complicate my life and eventually end my marriage..... So don't be like me & keep reading.
In the early 90's when we set out to start a family there was a lot of media coverage about day care abuse and the like, so that pretty much set us against daycare for the duration.... "Strike three" and I was destined to be a "Mr. Mom" working around my wife's schedule.
I never expected to stay at home father as I would think most of you may not too, but I have to tell you, babies and children are more than full day's job. And while I tried to go back to school a number of times my wife's job (that we all depended on) always had to come first.
This meant her work schedule, job transfers, promotions, her education, her advancement were all things we had to consider when it came to me working or going back to school. Now this doesn't even take into account the children's schooling and the seemingly ever present little emergencies that are attendant to raising a family.... like doctor's appointments etc.
I'll give you a real example from my life. One day my Daughter Michelle developed a fever while in third grade. I had planned to go to class that day to take a mid-term exam in A&P, but with Michelle home someone had to stay with her so I called Suzanne.
The conversation went almost exactly like this; "of course Honey I'll come home if I have to", but she added "if I do it's going to cost us my wages for the day". "You know" she said, "It'll cost us about $500.00 if I do". "You tell me what you want me to do Honey and I'll do it" she finally said.
OK, so what would you have done?
Well I stayed home to care for Michelle thinking that I could always make up the test. But with working part time evenings & weekends and one thing and another the opportunity never came and I had to drop the class.
Things like this happened time after time and I was never able to get back to school in any meaningful way.
What should I have done? I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN CARE OF MYSELF TOO, and not sacrificed my well being for my family's. And if you think about it (as I have over and over again) we were making a lot of money at the time & easily afforded it.
The real problem as I think about it now was I didn't want to look selfish in my wife's eyes, even though I'm not sure that would have crossed her mind then.
So you say you're going to go back to school while doing this? I wish you good luck if you don't go in understanding what you're up against :-/
OK here I'm going to give you a hint that may well save your marriage in a few years.
At first life will be great when that first baby comes and you start your new life. She'll be grateful to you for staying home and letting her continue on with her career. Just remember a couple of things.....
One, since she was a little girl playing with her "babies" she has always looked forward to being a mother. And what she thought of as being a mother then was staying at home, with a strong successful man to take care of her, bring home the bacon and slaying the occasional dragon for her too.
Yes I know, she's a modern successful woman with the challenge of a great career in front of her, and she probably actually wants you to stay at home during the day as she said when you both agreed to it..... But they say many of these things are hard wired and those sweet memories will die hard my friend.
That's why even though she may not be aware of it, on some level she will resent you for taking her place as a mother SO WATCH OUT!
Two, a woman is always going to be a woman and if she's like most she probably sees you on some level as her knight in shining armor, or she wouldn't have married you in the first place..... Right?
The hint?
PLAN AHEAD! Make plans to go back to school to get your degree or your master's or your contractor's license or start that business or whatever it is that make you who you are.... or where when she married you.
You have to make plans to do something to improve yourself and keep her interested... and stick to it or soon your shining armor will start to rust.
Remember she'll be spending all day with men who are attractive, maybe exciting, maybe powerful..... and at least accessible if not openly available and on the hunt.
So don't depend on that little gold band around your finger keeping her tied to you... because it won't.
Remember, from her perspective there will become nothing worse than coming home to a tired, worn out & dumpy husband who's day was full of nothing but diaper changes, cleaning house & potty training. You just won't be as interesting to her after a while no matter what she may say to you to make you feel better... Unless you do something about it.
On top of everything remember you'll be responsible for (and she'll probably come to expect) the little things like dinner (on time?) when she gets home, a clean house and maybe even a romp in the sack once in a while too. So don't take her or your relationship for granted OR YOU WILL LOSE HER!
