NOW THAT I'VE SCARED the hell out of you let me also say that the rewards for taking care of your children at home can be immense.
Don't let anyone ever tell you that men can't be just as nurturing or love a child every bit as much as a woman can. I for one see nothing wrongs with this... But here again when you walk into a room with that baby in your arms people may look at you funny for all the reasons I've gone over before.... But don't worry about it, F'em.
The best part for me at least was having my kids all grew up with me on the go. Where ever we went, people were always coming up to us to say how well behaved our children were.
For us this was just normal... They went every where; hiking, biking, to church, out to dinner.... wherever. We simply explained to the children that other people were here to enjoy themselves too and being loud etc. would disturb them.
Never underestimate the ability of a four year old to want to make friends and please the people around them.
We simply asked them to behave and reminded them as needed... and it worked every time. It also didn't hurt that they knew about rule number one: When Daddy says no, HE MEANS IT :-)
As for the "Terrible Two's"..... Those are very real too. At that age they're just so busy taking everything in around them & they just forget more often. They just needed more reminders to behave... and about rule number one. It was all just part of the process and for us... it worked out somehow.
Now, lets go over the traps & pitfalls you'll face.
As I spoke of earlier, it's just human nature that'll make things difficult.
First, lets remember the "mommy resentment": At first she'll be the center of attention when she performed that miracle of creating another little human.
But as that eight week pregnancy-leave deadline gets closer & closer she'll get more and more pissy (at you) for "taking her baby away" from her.
I found one of the best ways to deal with this is to do a lot of baby care reading together, and while you're about it make like she's the expert because of her female-ness (even if she's not... the expert), and ask her lots and lots of questions.
Make her feel NEEDED as a mother... even if you know all the answers too. Remember, she's going to need to feel like she's needed as a mother, not just the family "bread winner".
Don't over do it of course but at this point she'll need a lot of ego boosting just to help her keep it together. Remember, what you're planning to do is crush all her childhood dreams "for the sake of the family".
Also you may need to take into consideration that her hormones have been and are flooding her with hard wired messages about what's going on. At first it may even be a little funny.
We used to laugh at Suzanne "letting down" with the sound of a baby crying on T.V.
That may be the funny side, the not so funny side can be strange, malicious, even hateful. Things will go on in her head now that would surprise and maybe even scare you a little.
In my opinion YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL SAFE talk about these things, her doubts, her suspicions... All the thing that may eat at your marriage that she won't want to talk about.
Postpartum depression is very real and can be the root of her problems initially, but just hang tough & be supportive. It'll pass.... eventually.
What worked for me was for me to make it clear that I understood these thoughts and suspicions to be normal & to be expected when you're living in a way that society isn't comfortable with. Tell her to expect that people will talk you down for staying home and that you're expecting these thoughts and resentments from her too, and that YOU WON'T BE UPSET with her for having them because IT'S NORMAL.
Like anything else in a healthy marriage, I think the key is COMMUNICATION.
I'll give you a little example that I'll never forget: It's been a long time so I don't remember exactly why we didn't bathe our newborn Matthew in the little baby bath that we usually did with the other children, but for some season I took Matthew into the shower with me with Suzanne hovering very close by fussing over everything....
The mother hen analogy would definitely fit in this circumstance.... or maybe a Ping-Pong ball would be more apt.
In any case, Matthew and I were taking a nice quiet peaceful showers together but as I held him in my arms I accidently dropped a bar of soap.
When I did all hell broke lose on the other side of the shower door. Here I was having this moment with my new Son while his mother was having a breakdown screaming bloody murder because she was sure that the bar of soap was Matthew & she was too afraid to see what had happened by opening the door.
Mind you, I had no idea what was going on in her head at the time. I had no idea what her fears were. Here I was, just taking a nice shower with Matthew while she was coming out of her skin waiting for that sound.... and I had no idea.
This is the sort of thing that I really want to get across. I think Men and Women are very different in in this way. Men have no problem saying what's on their mind... Some times too much so. While women on the other hand have so much crap running around in their head as to why, why-not, should she, shouldn't she, what-if, what-if..... FRIGGIN' WHAT IF!!!!
Forever and ever what-if....
Well what if women actually said what they're thinking... If you actually have a committed, trusting relationship, what could go wrong?! It's frustrating to say the least. IMO (again).
You know, some times I think Women are a lot like horses.....
They can be strong, steadfast, faithful & loving and sometimes you may have to quietly coax them along..... but scare them or bully them and you can be in a WORLD OF HURT my friend!
Believe it or not, this little thing actually resulted in Suzanne attacking me later that day while she was in the middle of her breakdown. All because I hadn't paid more attention to what was going on in her head & had driven her to the edge of sanity.... during a postpartum moment.
Some background: my former wife is a very very competent critical care nurse who can handle blood and guts with the best of them in an emergency... but let her see someone she cares about poke themselves in the finger and she'll faint dead away. OK, maybe a little exaggeration.... but close!
